tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post296984072193983772..comments2024-02-26T19:17:44.872-08:00Comments on Living with PTSD and TBI: One Size Doesn't Fit AllUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-74957426271839329172012-10-21T06:44:20.791-07:002012-10-21T06:44:20.791-07:00I am a 100% Disabled vet with PTSD. I acknowledge ...I am a 100% Disabled vet with PTSD. I acknowledge your situation and feel for you because my wife at times feels the same as you do. I also realize the meds, shock treatment and counseling by the VA is mostly bullshit and only meant for the VA to CYA themselves. Time really is the only thing that helps and the willingness of the vets to want help or make the adjustments to make their lives easier. Vets need to use ALL VA resources because they earned it, they also need to surround themselves with people who don't make their condition worst. The war stories, drinking, etc only make things worst NOT better. The one thing that brought me to a better place was the birth of my only son. It gave me purpose and focus BUT did not make my PTSD go away because I still have my outbursts, anger issues and moods. Each person with PTSD needs to find what distracts them and helps the adjust. Nothing will cure it or make it go away even though the VA wishes it so so they can get out of paying disability to us. He needs his space, time alone but HE also needs to force himself participate at home with you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-34358505587658149282011-06-17T11:30:05.425-07:002011-06-17T11:30:05.425-07:00Thank you for sharing your experiences and feeling...Thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings. For along time I could not find any accounts by military wives who addressed such issues in any way that I could relate to. Your experiences and feelings seem much like my own at times. I hope that you are coping better than me. I am trying so hard to hang in there. Nearly every day I feel hopeless and worthless because of the things my husband has said to me and because even the smallest disagreement becomes something that I must cave to immediately or else he reacts as if I am some horrible agressor. If I do not jst agree with him or if continue to try to explain something as he yells over me louder and louder then I am an abuser. I cannot think of one entire week where I haven't on the majority of days wished I simply didn't exist. I don't even know how it is that I can keep trying or why because of how many times my husband has denied loving me or has refused me. I have no one and nothing else in my life but my husband and I'm terrified that I will die feeling lonely and unloved. Things were different before iraq. As hopeless as I feel and how often I feel that way I think I'm just living for each "normal" moment we manage.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-81824890897968206002011-04-20T08:28:32.355-07:002011-04-20T08:28:32.355-07:00Thank you for blogging, I don't have a soldier...Thank you for blogging, I don't have a soldier with PTSD but if the time ever comes... I believe your blog serves as a great reference point and a validation of all emotions someone else is going through. Sometimes we find strength in our weaknesses when we find others who have lived the same life.<br /><br />Hugs to you <3Shellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15659436588462877545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-11019594479382824812011-04-19T20:36:06.323-07:002011-04-19T20:36:06.323-07:00I don't have any words of wisdom, or any solut...I don't have any words of wisdom, or any solutions - but I do have a hug, and a soft shoulder to cry on. I know you are doing your best with what life has handed you...xoxo GGertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00571346509624913591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-40532710069434121282011-04-18T14:53:35.985-07:002011-04-18T14:53:35.985-07:00Sweetie, don't feel like you *have* to write t...Sweetie, don't feel like you *have* to write this blog for anyone other than yourself. This should be a place for YOU to get your feelings out. You have enough to deal with when it comes to your family, do not feel like you owe anything to strangers on the internet.bibliophile21https://www.blogger.com/profile/08973146182143281508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-25513023934917009892011-04-18T14:17:48.632-07:002011-04-18T14:17:48.632-07:00A huge cyber hug coming your way.
You are strong...A huge cyber hug coming your way. <br /><br />You are strong, you can do anything and your husband and family are incredibly lucky to have you. Incredibly lucky.<br /><br />There is no weakness in your post, only truth and believe me, I feel your pain and KNOW what you are describing. <br /><br />6 years "home" for my husband and he is as bad if not worse in some ways than what you describe....no meds, no disability (because he wants to work in a specific field),<br /><br />we've tried me in the workplace, me home with him in the workplace, lots of variations on each, we've tried working out a lot, eating healthy, reading, talking, going on dates, trial separation, I've tried yelling back, ignoring, leaving when he starts his ranting, have endured physical abuse, have done nothing right in 6 years, am fat (at 110 pounds and nearly 5'8"), a bad mom, you name it......<br /><br />As far as my life changing,<br />Two things always resonate with me, <br /><br />the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviors over and over expecting a different outcome (I always thought because I sometimes engaged the ranting and ignored at others, different outcomes would come, but what I found was I was angry either way, changing behavior for me meant leaving my anger and resentment behind no matter what he does).<br /><br />and<br /><br />Patience Mason's words......her husband didn't start getting better until after he noticed she was getting better and it inspired him to start doing the work. So, I am trying to consistently be positive, with the kids, with him, with the whole f---ed up situation, no expectations for him and only control my behavior.<br /><br />That means, I eat right, exercise, take time for ME, read, learn about new things and never ever let him get me down.<br /><br />His reponse, he tries harder to get me down. <br /><br />His latest was he went into a rant about how fat I am (Again, only 110 pounds, I weighed myself today)...he does this because I am a recovering anorexic and he knows it will piss me off. Then he didn't talk with me for a week because I ignored him when he was speaking to me.<br /><br />Now he is talking to me, but is angry because I was too cheerful this morning. OK......<br /><br />He is mad because there is nothing good to eat in the house but then insists I provide healthy choices because he has gained so much weight lately.<br /><br />There is no winning here.<br /><br />SO, like an alcholohic, which unfortunately we are dealing with as well, until HE chooses to get better, he will not get better. 6 years in counting, and he is getting worse.<br /><br />and he will continue to get worse<br />and I will continue to love him and work hard for us for nothing in return and one day, I am certain, I will be all used up and there will be nothing left.<br /><br />I am so so sorry you are feeling the same way.<br /><br />Listen, your blog makes a difference to me, a huge one. Sometimes just knowing I am not the only person going through this and that I am not crazy makes a world of difference.<br /><br />Thank you for writing and I hope you continue, even on your down days. You're honest and we all need a whole lot of that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-8360756542037629072011-04-18T13:18:22.590-07:002011-04-18T13:18:22.590-07:00I'm heartbroken over this news. Not the bad da...I'm heartbroken over this news. Not the bad days getting worse, or the blame game body slam (they suck in and of themselves). The part that grieves me is the VA leaving you in the lurch I have hugs for you. And I'm sending them now.KrippledWarriorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09693973753642324616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-33545343079922777912011-04-18T12:23:56.657-07:002011-04-18T12:23:56.657-07:00You are allowed to have these types of days. We al...You are allowed to have these types of days. We all are....today is one for me as well. I am thinking of you and try and start fresh tomorrow. I know it is easier said than done but you are doing all you can do at this point. Love you!Wife of a Wounded Soldierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07113425984851489988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-72333374453788783462011-04-18T09:49:51.106-07:002011-04-18T09:49:51.106-07:00Wow....I can't even tell you how much I relate...Wow....I can't even tell you how much I relate....it's like you're writing what's in my head for me. Thank you so much for sharing even though you're having a rough time. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-15948773299452757442011-04-18T08:42:21.834-07:002011-04-18T08:42:21.834-07:00*big hugs*
I don't know if it would help, b...*big hugs* <br /><br />I don't know if it would help, but chances are he may not even fully remember the argument you two had, if at all. I am not sure if it is a PTSD thing or a TBI thing, but when my husband gets to that point where his eyes change, he doesn't remember a bit of it. Not that that helps any, but it may explain why he hasn't apologised and fails to understand why you're in a mood.<br /><br />I am sorry you're going through this, all of us wives seem to be having a rough go of it lately. <br /><br />And don't worry about not being on a rigid schedule already, we have been trying that for 3 years now and we aren't quite there yet. It's hard with kids and a soldier around, not to mention all the chaos dancing around in our own heads. Some days I am lucky if I even remember to brush my teeth, let alone anything else important.<br /><br />Just try to take a day, or part of a day and make some "me time", even if it's a long, candlelit bath or something like that, you need it and you deserve it, and take it from someone who has been doing this for years - if you don't learn to take a tiny bit of time for yourself here and there, that chaos in your head is going to get a lot worse. (And don't EVER feel guilty for taking a bit of me time either, you have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of him and the kids!) :D<br /><br />*more big hugs* You WILL get through this!!<br /><br />-Julie-Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07271764542463185414noreply@blogger.com