tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post8140344594193001157..comments2024-02-26T19:17:44.872-08:00Comments on Living with PTSD and TBI: All I Want For Christmas: Response to a ReaderUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-59982566569222396532011-12-29T20:49:04.382-08:002011-12-29T20:49:04.382-08:00Dear USM,
I stumbled across your blog today at wor...Dear USM,<br />I stumbled across your blog today at work...it was a slow day, and I found myself tearing up at some of the responses to your blogs. You are so inspiring and it is awesome how you have helped so many people. My fiance is in Afghanistan and having a very rough time. His brother (also Army), who is he's very close to, thinks he is exhibiting symptoms of PTSD and possibly TBI. I am going to e-mail you personally here soon....since we're not married yet I don't live near his U.S. post, so I don't have anyone here who "gets it."<br /><br />Thank you so much, and God Bless you and your husband!!<br /><br />Blessings,<br />"Engaged to the Army"Engaged to the Armynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-18777827932616291192011-12-29T11:31:33.896-08:002011-12-29T11:31:33.896-08:00Part 2.
Some other concrete things that I strongl...Part 2.<br /><br />Some other concrete things that I strongly recommend;<br />1. Exercise – a regular, intense aerobic program is critical. If there are physical handicaps and or pain there are programs to address these things. I can provide information if people wish. <br />2. Meditation – a mindfulnesss meditation program is the single most powerful tool you can develop to help you re-train your mind and that is what you must do. Yoga can supplement this especially if there is a lot of physical pain or limitations<br />Physical exercise and meditation are essential ingredients to helping cope, get cognitive rest and physical rest and restoring your well being. They will help you sleep – sleep disturbances are a huge factor in making things worse. <br />3. Sometimes you will have to just ignore family – they may be hurt but you have to help yourself and your brain can only take so much. Your ability to manage emotional content will be limited and so you will have to restrict some of the exposure until you heal. <br />4. Take time to breathe in a variety of ways – take a walk with your wife or one of your children in the evening. Just a walk in the neighborhood. <br />5. It is absolutely about little steps. Be proud of each one.<br />6. Find safe community. Being able to say the most terrible things you can imagine without shame, without fear, without a sense of failing is important. You will need to learn how to lay your burden down.<br />7. Sometimes it is hard to find words. I had to reteach myself social skills and often when nervous or in intimate conversations I struggle to find the words to say – the result is that I often prefer silence. If you cannot use words try writing. <br />8. If you can get involved with someone or a group of people who face hardship – sometimes seeing the struggles of others can help you in amazing ways with your own. I almost died once but what saved me was helping someone else. That was an important lesson. <br />9. Self. You still have yourself, it just need to be re-integrated. Yes, things were lost and I never use the word recover – I say rebuild. There is hope, there is a future. There will be despair, there will be sadness and anger – but each time you can learn from it and do better the next. The self that remains is the one that wants to be happy again, that wants to love your family and be productive, to feel peace. That self is you and no enemy has taken it away – but it need nurturing, respect, room to grow. <br />10. Forgive yourself. <br /><br />PS. You sound like a wonderful wife.Dura Materhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01632907725360086227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-62209341909431019862011-12-29T11:31:03.964-08:002011-12-29T11:31:03.964-08:00Part 1.
I just came across your excellent blog a...Part 1. <br /><br />I just came across your excellent blog and this post and felt compelled to respond.<br />I am a person with a brain injury – I also have PTSD which occurred before the BI (I was in 9/11). I am very involved in advocacy work for people with BI – including both civilians and veterans. <br />First I want to say that your comments were very on target – they all represented good sound advice. What I tell people with TBI and PTAD are four tings; Rebuilding takes a long time – much much longer than you imagined- think years. So each day may seem like nothing is improving but it is, only very slowly. Secondly I tell them it is hard hard work. Rebuilding your self is not easy. You spent 20 plus years building yourself before and there are a lot of different challenges and expectations now but you have to listen to yourself and believe in yourself, even when you can’t. Third – you will fail, you will fail and fail and fail. Only it’s not failing – its trial and error. And then you will succeed. But you can only succeed if you are willing to try and learn by not succeeding. <br />The fourth thing I tell folks is this – have grace with yourself. Often the demands and expectation we have on ourselves are the things that frustrate us the most. The expectation of having the perfect holiday, of being the best dad (or mom), of being the ideal spouse, the provider, the loving family man. Sometimes you will be those things and sometimes you won’t. Sometimes, even often, you won’t feel much – you won’t feel love or joy or happiness. Your brain may be working to turn down the emotional overload – both good and bad. The numbness is okay, it takes a long time but you can relearn to feel. Hold no expectations, no time limits on this – just work on now, on today. Vets are very goal oriented and one of their hardest challenges will be learning to live – for a long long time – with a sense of ambiguity and uncertainty about themselves.Dura Materhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01632907725360086227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-69400385717552972552011-12-28T20:49:17.786-08:002011-12-28T20:49:17.786-08:00USM.... Thank You for being you!!! My husband is i...USM.... Thank You for being you!!! My husband is in the 7 week treatment program, and half way done. As tough as this is being Christmas holiday and the worst year ever I thank god that he is alive and that we still have each other. I have not had faith in myself. But I have believed that I must have faith in myself first before I have faith in my husband. So this New Year I will start having faith in myself so that I have faith in my husband. Because no matter how hard this illness is or what it has done to our family I will never stop believing that my husband can, and will get better. I cry as I write this comment because as hard as it is I do believe. Just have a little faith. Thank you for your blog....imtlomlrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15183717990007132760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-8060744330706948672011-12-24T13:43:06.830-08:002011-12-24T13:43:06.830-08:00Thank you. Just.... thank you. If only I could g...Thank you. Just.... thank you. If only I could get him to read this.Casualties@homehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00590405585320778447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-90484358704001781602011-12-24T06:26:05.904-08:002011-12-24T06:26:05.904-08:00I wanted to say thank you for getting us here at t...I wanted to say thank you for getting us here at the holidays. Its not that i don't like my wife or my family, just cant deel with all the stress. Its been easier this year though and i keep thinking that maybe every year will get better. I wanted to say i followed your advice and just went into the kitchen and sat with my wife. I helped her peel and slice carrots and she started crying. She said it was the greatest thing i have done for her in a long time. i thought to myself that you dumbass, why didnt you do this sooner? Thank you for bringing your ideas to surface and help us clumsy vets navigate the world. Hope you have a very Merry Christmas Mistress.LT Gaylenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-41039595628977456392011-12-22T12:58:49.617-08:002011-12-22T12:58:49.617-08:00Thank-you for this blog. I am just discovering tha...Thank-you for this blog. I am just discovering that the things that I had recently thought were ending our marriage are actually symptoms of PTSD and a possible TBI. Part of me feels like an ass while the other part feels betrayed. My husband and I began dating after he was discharged and things have just been popping up slowly over the last 5 years and now they are to a point I feel like an animal scratching to get out of a cardboard box. Knowing that others are going through the same thing I am gives me strength. Thanks for the support.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-16937214399313564422011-12-13T14:57:06.071-08:002011-12-13T14:57:06.071-08:00Thanks Mistress for this. This is some good idea. ...Thanks Mistress for this. This is some good idea. I read this twice and thinking you gave this guy some good advice. I sometimes feel like I should just be better off dead because I aint worth much alive. I dont like the holidays either. You made me think about my kids though and I dont want them to hate the holidays too. My woman is so stressed out over the holidays, think i will try some of these things that you mentioned. Never really thought about some of these. Thanks for always kicking us in the ass. Merry Christmas Uncle Sams mistress.JM Ft. Campbellnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4084876361608306937.post-61364644726524327592011-12-12T04:23:16.364-08:002011-12-12T04:23:16.364-08:00I think these are some wonderful ideas. If my husb...I think these are some wonderful ideas. If my husband just pitched in and helped me a little, even helped me wrap, I would fall over in shock!!!! I don't want presents, or anything fancy. I just want him. He does not get it. Thank you for putting this out there and for Red Cell. My husband went back over, 3rd deployment looking and all he said he could find was more screwed up self. I think the mistress said it the best way and thats you are still there inside, you just got to find it. I thank you Mistress and think I will take on the "doing our own traditions" since my girls are older. My husband just can't handle the family or their false knowledge of whats wrong with him. Then everyone makes him feel bad. I get angry because he is angry and blames me. I don't get angry because of anything else but the blame. I wish he knew that more. I think all of us spouses wish for better holidays but we know what to expect by now and we shouldn't put too much on them knowing we are setting them up to fail. I just want my husband to help me out a little, and maybe a little Santa Nookie on Christmas Eve. Hah! Thanks Mistress. I always like coming here to read.GieshaGirl from Ft. Hoodnoreply@blogger.com