Monday, September 20, 2010

Responses to Don't Ask Don't Tell

I recently posted about the Don't Ask Don't Tell appeal/vote that has been in the news here lately. I didn't have any comments save one, and that's ok. I had stuff on my mind, this is my blog, and I feel like if something bugs me that is related to my blog...I should be able to write about it. The Don't Ask Don't Tell post I made had quite a bit related to my blog if you had finished reading it.

I received a total of 14, count em...14 emails in regards to my post. All of which were pretty nasty and amazingly enough...spewing stupidity forth like Mt. Vesuvius upon its eruption. Here are a few snippets from these emails:

"Wow, it seems to me you need to sit back and take a good hard look at what gays in the military would do to our military forces"

"People like you ought to be horse drawn and quartered because its ones like you that are causing all of this to begin with"

"Are you kidding me? I think your blog is ridiculous as you are in your opinions of being openly gay in the military. My son serves in the Navy and I would immediately have him out if I could if there were a bunch of gay people board his ship"

"I thought you wrote about PTSD and TBI? What happened? I am quite disappointed that this blog has turned political". 

There was quite a bit more, but you get the idea and for language purposes, I won't post the nasties that one Veteran wrote.

For clarification purposes...let me RE-LIST this particular blog under fire so those of you can go back and actually READ the freaking thing. READ HERE

In no way, does that blog pertain to politics, religion, whether Pepsi or Coke is better than the other, etc etc but MOST definitely pertains to every bit of my blog in its entirety. If you had read it, which is quite clear you haven't or even read the comment that was blog had nothing to do with gays being in the military but simply the amount of WASTED effort it took for the military to find out what we think about it.

Right now, my husband can't follow simple directions, forgets to shower unless reminded, has problems with long term and short memory loss, can't interact with society as he normally would or perform simply tasks such as making a grilled cheese sandwich because he forgets to turn the eye off and starts fires or burns my skillets up. I simply lost my husband at war and have equivocally added another child to our family. At which point of this, do I really need to be concerned about gays being in the military? Let's look at the cost of what was probably spent sending out thousands of these surveys which I can probably guarantee, half were thrown away. Even at bulk mail, those large envelopes were probably around .60-1.00. Now I got three of those darned things! Let's include the post cards which is probably around .20 and there were two reminding me to fill out the surveys. Multiplying that by probably thousands of households, not including the surveys they sent out to the military members themselves....that's a whole lot of money thrown away of our tax dollars. THEN you have to add in the cost of the survey company that charged I bet, a hefty sum to Uncle Sam for doing it and producing the results.

Funny thing is...never once did I get a survey or at the point of harassment for anything related to our Wounded Warriors, our Caregivers, services and/or benefits provided by the military, the government, or VA. I didn't get a survey asking me what I thought about any of this or how such services or lack thereof would impact our lives. No where did anyone send out a survey asking us military spouses whether we think it would be beneficial to have classes, training, or even help on post. Why should I be so concerned about a gay military member at an FRG meeting and whether this will prevent me from attending it? The worst case scenario is A. they will probably be much nicer than some of the spouses there and B. better dressed than I will be. I have more concerns about PTSD going untreated and one of our mentally wounded feels the need to walk in somewhere and shoot someone or themselves. To me, the soldier that is desperate enough to do this to gain someone's attention, is more of a hazard than an openly gay person at this meeting.

I find it insulting that they are willing to go to the extremes of holding training classes for our military families to cope with openly gay members but yet, we have spouses who can't come together and get the support they need for their families with PTSD in the household. I felt this survey was a slap in the face to all of us who have struggled and still continue to struggle because to me, this survey said "we are more concerned about having openly gay members in the military than our soldiers who are having severe issues and the families that are suffering with them".

If you had read the blog in it's entirety, the fourteen of you would have realized what I was saying as it's pretty clear at the point I was reaching.

For the first person with the comment of my needing to sit back and look at gays in the military; Buddy I have. There are a lot of negatives that come with some of the positives and I get that. Does this mean I can't have two friends in my past that were gay and truly like them as individuals? No. Is it written somewhere in the policy that I am not allowed to speak about such a friendship? Absolutely not. Am I not entitled to my own opinion which I never really pinpointed on whose side I was on, you're damn skippy I am. Just as you are with sending me an email with your opinion.

For the second, my blog may be ridiculous to you and that's OK, just as your opinion of me being ridiculous is fine too. However, I ask you to sit back and ask yourself if your son was wounded while serving and came home a different person, how would you feel about receiving such a worthless piece of paper? That right there is enough to change many of our caregiver's outlooks and opinions.

To the Medieval Knievel there..... DUDE! What century did you get lost in? Horse drawn and quartered? Really? I am not even sure really how to respond to that! I would have been embarrassed to even email someone that!!

For the last, READ the blog in its entirety before you jump to conclusions the next time. My blog is still about
PTSD and TBI. This blog will always be about my opinions, my thoughts, my stories and our family's struggles with these issues. If there is something that I feel needs to be brought attention to, as in this "waste of my time" survey when such time and efforts are needed desperately elsewhere...then I will most DEFINTELY blog about it.

Banging My Head Against the Keyboard,


  1. I thought your blog was very well written on Don't Ask Don't Tell. I never received the survey but if I had I would have felt the same way as you. The only person so has ever asked me my opnion about what kind of care my husband is getting (still waiting on Orthodics that were made in January) was a non-profit agency trying to improve the care of our vets. I also feel strongly that homosexuals have every right to serve our military. We let females, males, and every race in between serve why discriminate against the homosexuals? I don't get it.

  2. Well written and spot on!

    Thanks USM

  3. Get 'em, girl.

    I loved your blog on Don't Ask Don't Tell - if they had read the thing in it's entirety they would have felt differently. Unfortunately most people pick out a line or two and stop there.

    It's okay, though. I know where you're coming from... and I totally relate. I have many people in my life that I love that are gay - and I don't feel like they should lose their job because of their choice in partner.

  4. I have already commented on this backlash at it's original post. But considering I am the "save one" commenter I wanted to add here. It really irks me that you were inundated with such hate over an opinion that you have every right to have.

    Maybe someone might view the post as controversial but I'm not sure where on your blog's header it says that you were NOT going to give your personal points of view. Oh, wait, it clearly states that this is a blog about "An Army Spouse's Point of View and Feelings About Living with PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury". I believe that this post qualifies as just that. Your post wasn't about gays in the military. It was about a complete waste of money and time that you as 'an army spouse living with PTSD and TBI' felt should be used elsewhere.

    Your post was well written and your point was well stated. Some people get hung up on the word 'gay' and just can't see the forest for the trees after that.

    Keep writing your thoughts and opinions. That's why I read personal blogs. If I want stiff commentary with no slant, I'll just watch the news.

  5. Thanks ladies...I didn't mind the comments because there will always be someone who doesn't like what you say. Won't be the first and won't be the last! I go back to the old statement of "ignorance can be remedied but stupidity is forever" Hahah. I just felt like I needed to remind them that you can't judge a book by the first page and not read it. Shrugging these people off!!!!


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