What's It's Like To Live With PTSD and TBI

 

I recently went to the grocery store the other day and as I was loading the car up, someone saw a sticker on another car's window that said "Medicated for your protection-Veteran with PTSD". My husband and I have always maintained a good sense of humor and not been ashamed of his injuries including his PTSD. We recently ordered such a sticker for our vehicle and obviously the owner two cars down, had the same sense of humor as us. As the lady walked past with her husband, she said "I wonder what it's like to live with someone with PTSD?" with the same disdain in her voice as if she asked "what's it like to live with a monster?". I hung my head in shame as they walked on chatting about what they thought our lives would be like but as for me? I didn't even have an answer at that time and so I let them walk on by. Normally, the Mistress would be the first to stand up and educate, erase stupidity and hope like hell that the media hadn't completely ruined someone's idea of what these invisible wounds are. I just couldn't and didn't have the strength that day.

On the drive home, I asked myself "what is it like to live with PTSD and TBI?" and the answers flooded me as the silence of the car wrapped its safety blanket around me. I had to pull the car over to the side where I could rest my weary head against the steering wheel and just let the tears come. Why could I have not stood up and said "You want to know what it's like? Here ya go, Lady".

It's waking up every day not knowing who you will wake up beside or what kind of mood he will be in.

It's living with a total stranger that you must care for and be treated like the enemies they fought against in Iraq.

It's eating breakfast, lunch and dinner at home or out always every day, by yourself even when your Veteran is with you. 

It's never having your spouse to talk to anymore. 

It's trying to soothe the fears of people he can see on the side of the road even when you don't even know why he is so afraid or what to say to make it all go away.

It's assuring him that bags of trash or dead animals on the side of the road are not roadside bombs.

It's not being allowed to enjoy happiness, love, or things you can enjoy because he gets jealous and ruins it.

It's being blamed for everything that went wrong, including what happened in Iraq. 

It's sleeping next to someone who never goes to bed without nightmares and you learn to expect each and every sleep walking move he makes. 

Its watching someone every day who gets worse with OCD behavior that you can't explain or understand. 

It's lying to your friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances that "everything is just fine" including yourself.

It's being challenged in every way possible with some obstacles so difficult that you don't know how to get past them. 

It's loving someone who hates everything about you no matter how hard you try or how much you help them.

It's fighting for someone and loving them so much that you sacrifice it all only to have them push you away.

It's having someone be so terribly cruel and know it, but finds it easier to walk out the door than saying "I'm sorry". 

It's knowing medications, appointments, and his VA medical records like the back of your hand and not know when your last or next doctor's appointment is, or even when the last time you had a break to yourself.

It's taking care of them every single day when they are sick, but never get the same in return. 

It's a game of pleasing, soothing, calming and redirecting twelve or more hours a day just to keep some sort of peace in the house. 

It's being a single parent and having to explain to your smaller children that their daddy really isn't mad at them, he is just sick. 

It's juggling parenthood trying to be both mom and dad at the same time. 

It's having every special occasion ignored, sabatoged or completely forgotten about. 

It's having everything taken away from you and not understand where it went. 

It's not being allowed to cry, grieve, be angry or have feelings hurt because you are supposed to be what they want you to be. Mine would rather have us all miserable than enjoy anything he can't.

It's fighting against something much larger than yourself and wounding yourself in the process. 

It's having to take care of yourself without help from your partner because they just don't care and don't want to.

It's not being able to have civilian friends or even normal military friends because they just don't get it. 

It's finding comfort among others like us because we don't have to explain or be ashamed of their behavior.

It's walking a crumbling walkway and losing your footing with no one to catch you if you fall. 

It's talking rationally with an irrational person.

It's having your heart trampled on every single day but still finding the strength to keep going even when they tell you they would rather be dead. 

It's saving their life only to have them blame you for it every day thereafter. 

There are days where I swear I don't know where the strength comes from. Other days, I am so weary to the bone that its hard to put one foot in front of the other. There are days where I feel sad for him and that makes up for half of what he has done wrong. There are days where I know I am all he has. Other days I love the hell out of him. There are other days where I wished I hadn't saved his life. It's living the whole concept of Misery Loves Company because even when good things happen....we don't know how to react because we have lived in chaos, stress and bitterness so long that it's what we are used to. It's wanting more out of our lives and still getting hurt, even though you know in your heart and mind, that is all you are ever going to get from them. It's being in a crowd and knowing that not one single person hears you no matter how loud you scream. It's knowing he will never hear you at all.

It's a battle with the world, with them, the government, the military and with yourself. You argue back and forth the reasons why you should stay or why you should run on a daily basis. The list grows every day with reasons on both sides of the argument leaving you no answer that is reasonable. It's living without a safety net to catch you if you fall and knowing there is no future that you can count on because you can only take it day by day, hour by hour. It's watching them forget things, get frustrated because they are no longer able to live a normal life, and watch them helplessly sinking further away from you when some days bring them the truth that they are disabled for the rest of their lives. It's not knowing what else you can do to help them and when you reach out your hand to hold theirs, they smack it away. It's taking on the world for them and sometimes winning, only to have them not care one way or the other. It's backing them up only to find them turn away from you when you need them the most.

There are days that we live for when they smile, laugh a little, and try just a little harder. That's what gives us strength. There are others where the bad side comes out and you are worried not just for you and your family, but for them too. It's up and down, side to side and never knowing which direction you are going.  It's about survival, holding your family together through the tough times and not having all the answers. Sometimes, we lose it all. PTSD alone can be like a pack of hungry piranhas going after the first drop of blood that is spilled and not knowing whether we as the family will walk away whole. Other times, laughter and a good mood can build us back together.

That's what its like to live with PTSD and TBI. 

I wondered all day today if I had simply spoke up...would that woman have listened and maybe not have such a nasty tone and disregard for us? Or would she simply just not care. My husband cared enough to go overseas and fight proudly. I cared enough to wait for him to come home and gone through hell ever since for people like her. I wonder from time to time, how many people really care and appreciate what they have and what they have been given. Does anyone really care about anything anymore other than themselves?

We Are More Than A Bumper Sticker,

The End of Old and The Beginnings of the New

First, I want to apologize for lagging a bit the past few weeks. I think mentally and physically, I needed a break and reduce some of the stress. It was rush rush all through the holiday season and man, did it not go by extremely fast? With two sick little ones through Christmas break and with my having pneumonia, just seemed like my world was starting to crack a little. My husband did really well through Christmas and for the first time in a very very long time, we didn't have to go anywhere on Christmas Day. I think that fact was the greatest gift because we got up as we pleased, ahem, when the kids chose to get us up; we stayed in our pajamas all day, rested and napped, and just played with toys. It was one of the most memorable Christmases in the Mistress's Book of Good. After that though, not sure what all happened. Seemed Christmas was over and done with, the stress had left me rung out and extremely tired and my husband? Well, he just started to egg on arguments, as if he was just looking for a fight.

After careful thinking and my constant strategic dodging of the PTSD bomb, I realized that much of this had to be because a close friend was back from deployment. When we got the call, we were both excited because we wanted him to come home safe of course! However, a part of me wondered a million thoughts. Will his family become like ours? Will his children fall to the way side of attention and fatherly love? Will his wife have to constantly follow behind to pick up all the broken bits? My husband mentioned to me that his friend was having adjustment issues since being home, which for all of us who are Reserve and National Guard, is another component we must battle. I had to ask my husband how his friend fared which got me the shrug and a "I told him to get into the VA system as fast as he can". Since his friend has been home, my husband has been visiting quite a bit which I thought was good. Now I am not so sure. His mood has taken a drastic turn, a bit on the melancholy side and well, he just seems so far away.

Arguments have been had and some nasty things have been said. Things he could probably never take back or say "I'm sorry for". I thought for a while there that possibly he was angry because his friend wasn't so messed up when he landed. Maybe its because he isn't disabled to the point like my husband is. Maybe it's a lot of things but right now? All I know is the last few weeks have sucked every ounce of energy that I had in me. The kids had a great Christmas or as my five year old said "Best Christmas EVER!" and I am super blessed that it wasn't the Apocalypse that it normally has been the past four we have had.

New Year's Eve drew up with my husband wanting to go fishing with some of his buddies from the Project Healing Waters Fly Fishing group, in which I figured might be nice for him to get out. We have been sort of cooped up with the kids the past three weeks of Christmas break, or rather I have......but it was easier to say it was alright with me than say absolutely not! It's New Year's Eve! I figured we never do much anyway but, he will be home later that afternoon. He never showed up. Never called. He just left me here with the kids wondering all sorts of possibilities. He told me earlier that day he would be home sometime that afternoon, so I waited only to have him never come home. 7 p.m. rolled around and he called to say he was running by his recently returned friend's house to look at his tile that he had just laid down in the bathroom. I must admit I was angry as he kind of left me hanging as far as supper went and the kids. I know there are a lot of questions that children ask that stump us parents or put us in the Hall of Shame. Ones that pertain to "Mommy, where's daddy?" always seem to haunt me. My husband told me that he would be home shortly and so I told him that was fine not wanting to start a fight.

Never called again and didn't show up.

At 10:30, I called him to let him know I would be taking my bath and just head on to bed. He acted so cold to me that I could feel the chill through the phone. He explained that he needed to talk to someone who understood...someone who had been there and done that. He just had so much to be stressed about and of course, this is the anniversary coming up of his suicide attempt. He was under so much stress and well, he just needed to be there.

I have to be honest. I was hurt. Extremely hurt. I know, I know...many of the Veterans will side with my husband and say that is where he needed to be but a part of me wanted him here. To bring in the New Year and be together. Maybe that is selfish and perhaps in the long run, that is where he needed to be. I didn't understand what he had to be stressed out about? I didn't understand why he could go there and talk to a friend who supposedly listened, when I have never not been there for him. It seems that has been my whole life these past four years, putting him in the center of the world. Listening to every word, even the rambling ones, trying to hold it all together....all for him. It was a slap in the face to me. I know there are times when they do need someone who has been there and done that, but this was a different deployment for our friend....one that differed so much that there is no comparing war scars. I can't seem to wrap my mind around why I got shoved to the back of the closet when all he had done all day, was fished with war veterans.

11:57 found this Mistress in bed crying awaiting the ball drop in NYC on the television. I sometimes say I feel like I am so lonely, and even with all of you readers and emails....that I have no friends. Never before in my life had I felt loneliness stab me so hard. It wasn't about the holiday so much as the symbolism. It wasn't about staying up and waiting for that clock to turn over to 2012, or having a party...nothing like that. It was just me wanting to lie with my husband in bed and forget the world for a little while. It was me wanting to have hope for the New Year....To forget about past arguments, and to let this year go and feel that closeness I had been missing the last few weeks. He left me here to await the New Year by myself with fears, worries and hurt feelings.

I have cushioned so much for him that I am becoming numb myself. I didn't understand what pressures or stress he had to deal with when all I had was upcoming stuff for him on me. His disability evaluation is coming up this month and we aren't sure of that at all. We were just told last January that his rating would be set at 100% temporary for one year with evaluation this January. We don't know how to survive if that falls apart and quite honestly, I don't know what to do to prevent any negative changes. Social Security appeal was filed with more paperwork coming over Christmas week that I must struggle with, and then upcoming surgeries in which I must figure out all the kids, dogs and husband in that. He had done nothing but fuss for two years about painting although he knew he couldn't climb a ladder to do it and neither could I since they are cathedral ceilings. A family programs person through the National Guard got us hooked up with a Church near by our home who are volunteering to come paint this weekend and get it all knocked out. With the kids going back to school, I must once again budget, pay bills and clean the house (like baseboards that are behind furniture so can be painted) and well, just a ton going on. Where he fits in, in all of this....I do not know nor can I count on his help.

I think a part of me just collapsed this New Year's and well, before Christmas. We haven't really spoken much to each other and neither one of us has addressed New Year's. I figured why bother? I am wasting my time and my breathe, only to have him give me a half ass sorry that he doesn't mean and he can't take it back or make up for it. He just didn't think enough of me to want to spend New Year's and that is a conclusion I have reached so far at the beginning of 2012. When I am sick, he runs away. When the kids are sick, like we have my little man with Mono, he is gone. When I really really need him to be here, I can count on one thing....him not being here. I am trying not to be so hard on myself, but it can't be helped. I keep wondering what I have done to make him push so hard against me. I keep praying for a little relief but I guess what I am asking for is my husband to come home to me back in 2007 normal and that's never going to happen. What is left is for me to do is to raise my children by myself and learn that I can't depend on anyone else but myself.

See? Even when I get emails from all of you...I tell you I don't have a perfect life. I always remind everyone that I don't have all the answers for anyone because I don't even know. All I know is it's one hell of a road we are traveling on and I keep hoping by raising the lantern, we can find our way. Sometimes these days though...I feel my lantern flickering out just a bit and wonder how much can I keep taking and how much longer can I keep going. I hope that doesn't disappoint anyone, its just the truth. I am a little lost myself right now.....

For all those who have commented and emailed, I will catch up. My little man has been on tons of steroids and God love him, he has been a monster on those meds! My pc has been acting up as well, so been working on having it fixed. I will catch up with everyone and respond to the emails. Looks like I wasn't the only one who had a bad end to the year of 2011! So this morning, I vote we raise our coffees, our juices, etc and wish each other a Very Happy New Year and hope like hell we can make it through another one......

Still holding on here in Moo-Cow Town USA,

Question From a Reader "Do you Feel........"

This question came in my email last week and after thinking long and hard about it, decided to see if I could print this and to my surprise she said yes. 

"USM, I am taking your suggestion and teaching myself to blog. When I sat down yesterday to start, I had to delete, omit, then take out some more because of family and friends. How do you do it without feeling guilty? Do you ever worry about putting it all out there, or sometimes bad mouthing your husband to the world? How do you deal with the comments and emails? I LOVE your blog, but often wonder how do you not get into trouble by saying some of the things you do? How do you do it all without feeling guilt at all? Do you beat yourself up later for the things you said? I also get scared that it will backlash on me. From a HUGE fan in Snowmass, CO."

Ahhhh I wondered when someone would ask me about 'Guilt'. First off Snowmass, I am thrilled to see that you are taking on blogging. I once read a quote that was always my favorite from Will Rogers, "Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there". Means, you need to always do something even when it all feels ok. I find that blogging, using a journal and such things, are therapeutic, accessible and feasible for those of us who need to find some type of outlet when we are facing challenges of the standard outlets such as group therapy, support groups etc. I had to really think about this because your email stumped me! I rarely get asked direct questions to me. I thought long and hard and the answer is.....sometimes. I am starting therapy via telephone, believe it or not, and during that I discovered that Guilt is my biggest downfall. 

When I started blogging, sometimes my husband would read and sometimes not. Most times, he gives me ideas on the topics I choose or something he says he wants me to mention. He without knowing it, creates the subjects I write about. Often times, my children say something or most of the time personal experience builds my decision on what to talk about. While some of you might think "shame on her" because of what I said about my husband, it is nothing we haven't discussed or anything behind his back. Although silence is an issue at times, we do have conversations and of course, arguments and often these things come up. Is it too personal and am I sharing too much? Possibly. However, when this blog began to pick up with readers and the amount of hits it was receiving, my husband said the most powerful thing he ever has to me and that was "If you are going to do this, don't do it half-ass. If you can help but just one person you did something important.". I had a comment the other day on my Facebook page for this blog, asking if my husband could sometimes comment or write his point of view. What you all don't realize is, he is here in my writing just the same as I am. I have my days, and that reflects in my writing of course...but I don't think I continuously "bad mouth" my husband and often put his point of view in there, such as thinking I am the enemy or how he feels. His words, not mine. This blog is a combination of both of us; its a part of my whole family. We have walked this road alone for so long that we don't want to see another one of you do it on your own. If that means telling it all, well then we must. We both decided that we would stand up, and say you know what? This IS what is real. These are our feelings, all that we are and all that we will be.

Now, guilt from it all? Of course. I am human. I feel anger, bitterness, frustration, love, happiness, sadness and emptiness but, all of those I can compartmentalize, shove back and try not to let it run rabid. Guilt though is harder to push back and often does eat at me. Is it because of my husband or my family? Not often but sometimes I wonder if we did the right thing by blogging about everything. For the rest such as the VA, the military, etc? Most definitely. I will admit that when I hit "Publish Post" I realize that there are dozens of VA's , dot.gov, and dot.mil addresses across the United States/world jumping on each and every post and staying for a while. I worry that when someone reads my posts, and knows who I am in real life they will be angry or pissed at me. However, the ones who eventually do find out they are rather surprised rather than upset with me. I have been nicely told to stop, casually mentioned not to bring up certain subjects, told I really didn't need to post this or that, and I often wonder if some just get scared of me because I am blogging. The biggest thing that bothers me is I don't want people to help me because they are afraid I will blog. I want them to help because that's their job, and that they do their job because it IS a wounded soldier. 

There is a reason why I write under a pen name. I really don't like people knowing who I am and there are only a trusted handful that do know who I am, other than our local VA etc. Anonymity is a wonderful thing, and after a long talk with a spouse the other day, she mentioned that I did a good job keeping my identity safe as she didn't even know who I was. I am a book lover and history buff, and I knew that many past historical authors like Dr. Seuss, Mark Twain were all created names. Many women of the 19th Century wrote under a man's name because that was the only way they could be published and since this is a long way from the 19th Century, J.K. Rowling of the Harry Potter series is also considered to have a pseudonym. I created my pen name to write under because it was easier, to be honest, to write behind that smoke screen. It gave me strength if that makes sense and the cajones to talk about tougher subjects. 

Often times, confrontation and I do not agree. I don't think of myself as a fighter, a leader, or any of that so its easier for "Uncle Sam's Mistress" to get the credit than me, myself and I. I don't give our location, our doctor's names, anything that says HERE I AM COME GET ME. I don't think I have talked about anything that is going to cause some men in black to show up at my front door. However, in all of this, I did get help and that meant telling some who I am in real life so we could get that help. Did it bite me in the ass in the long run? I am not sure. That is a debate that I am still trying to figure out and counting the steps I am taking. Have I been chastised for blogging? Of course, but you know what? I figure this is my right, my husband and many many others fought for that right and not one single time, have I never NOT spoken the truth. If you failed me, I am going to say something about it. I also say, if its the truth and people get mad? That means they are worried. 

I will admit, its easier to throw on the superwoman cape, write under the elusive Uncle Sam's Mistress, and way much easier for me to answer each and every email. I think looking back on it all, the most thing I feel guilty about....is not having all the answers for many. I am not a professional, never claimed to be, and only share our personal experiences, victories and failures. However, some find that I am an easy person to write to, especially  my Veterans and soldiers. I sometimes am the confessional priest, but I don't know how to answer or what to say. Some stories are harder to read than others, some make me cry at night when I am trying to wipe my own day of worries away and sometimes...some stories make it all worth while getting into trouble, or having people treat me differently because I wrote something online. I sometimes feel guilty because I wish I had someone to confess to, and I really don't accept to all you out "there". 

Back lashing from comments, I rarely get. On a daily basis, I get more good than bad. I get more emails than comments, and that's ok because I understand the need for people to email and feel that cover too. However, because it is an email sometimes the anti-war people can get more carried away, weirdos get loonier and sometimes the conversations can become quite graphic on their part. I thank the good Lord for patience, forgiveness and the will to hit delete when I really want to respond back. I can say ouch, yeah that hurt! Hit delete and try to move on from that without stooping to their level. Some comments are kind of hateful, but everyone has their own opinion. Some think I am a martyr because I stay with my husband, some think I am courageous....it doesn't really matter what people think. It's what I think about me is the most important thing.

As a blogger, my suggestion to you is if you feel fear, retribution, insecurity...create a pen name and just leave it at that. There is no reason to state your name, your residence etc. You can be whoever you want to be and maybe that will find you the strength you are seeking. If you feel worried that your family will see it, or you don't everyone knowing ALL your business...then do it that way. A good friend late last night asked me if I was willing to walk the line, and I said yes. So ask yourself Snowmass, are you willing to walk the line? If you choose put it out there, it is done. You can delete all you want, but you can't erase a person's memory or knowledge. However, in the same late night conversation, we bloggers are probably the safer majority because we DO put it out there. I kind of feel that if we don't though, we won't ever get the help and we damned sure didn't learn anything from our past wars. You have to decide what you are most comfortable with doing. You must in the end, choose of what you write and how much you put out there. In the words of my husband again, I tell you "If you are going to do this, don't do it half-ass. If you can help but just one person you did something important". 

I hope this answers all your questions Snowmass. I sincerely wish you well on your endeavor and your decisions to blog. I will be rooting all the way from down here in Moo-Cow Town USA if you choose to do it. It is a good outlet, but in the end...you ultimately have to decide the consequences, the guilt and how to write it all out. If you should choose to use your name, and feel you have to omit some things...well, I kind of think it's a waste of time if you feel so censored. I just wouldn't say anything to my family or like some, just leave that out all together. There are many many bloggers out there who feel like you and some who censor themselves while others let it all hang out. It can be a wonderful thing, and sometimes it can be a hard thing. It's all about your level of comfort-ability, because if you are comfortable writing....your words will flow and be comfortable to read and that my dear, is your ultimate goal. To get it all out, to take the burden off of you, to let it all out and then let it go. Just ask yourself as I did....How much do you want to let go of?

Thank you for the email and making ME stop to think for a while,

Dog Days of Summer

I am so sorry I have been a way for a while. Seemed like so much exploded at one time, that I didn't know if I was coming or going anymore! To get back into the swing of things, as many of you emailed stating you were sending out search parties, I am still alive and trying to play catch up! Hahah! I would first like to say a huge THANK YOU to "Brittany" who created my badge you all can copy and for my new header at the top of my site. She has also reconnected my FB page and resource feed, in which many have told me my old one was not working. I think it looks great! So what's been going on? Waaay too much. Since my last post, I told you we had a Recovery Care Coordinator who has worked sincerely hard to get my husband where he needed to be. So far, we now officially have two Line of Duty injury forms and awaiting more to be approved.

I just cried when the Commander of my husband's unit called last week and said he had received, signed and sent them back. It was a little bit of closure for my husband and of course, much more closure for me. I have been fighting so long, I am not sure what else to do now as most of our issues are being addressed by several people. I know fighting will still be part of the whole process, but I am in unfamiliar territory and that part scares me some. I keep hanging on to the thread that the big man upstairs has plans for me, and is guiding me. I questioned it yesterday on a trip to town while combating the rambling thoughts that entered my mind as I drove. Then I passed a sign that said "There are no such things as coincidences, only God being anonymous". I am not overly religious but do believe there are signs that appear when we need them most and possibly this is one of them. Corny sounding I know...but hey, it just made sense that sign was there yesterday when I have made that same drive and never saw it before.

So other than waiting in a standoff with the military over pretty much everything, The mistress has had some health problems. I probably should be, in all honesty, be the poster child of "Stress Kills" and my heart has been acting a little goofy. I haven't been feeling good for a long time and just haven't been able to get to the doctor and when I did...seemed like they would only treat the symptoms, not the root of the problems. I am trying to disregard the building worry that's buried inside my stomach, as it may be nothing but tons of stress. I did find out that I would have to have surgery on my left leg this year, and follow in my husband's footsteps by getting a C-Pap machine. Nothing is sexier in the bedroom than matching bedside C-paps! I told my husband now we can bump Darth Vadar masks together at night and he can make fun of me for a change! Won't know much until I have all these heart tests done and of course, I am having to wait. I learned quite a while back that the military and the VA system has totally burned the patience bridge many years ago. Between all the testing, the military, the VA and dealing with family...it's been all over the map for me as of late! So under orders of rest, relax, calm down and keep the legs elevated. Under more medications, but that's ok and I have an awesome Cardiologist!

So now on to some AWESOME news, and one I haven't shared with many people as of yet due to concerns over jinxing our plans if we spoke too soon (yes, this has happened-call me Mrs. Gun Shy). We had previously applied through Puppies Behind Bars program for a service dog last year as many may recall only to get denied due to my husband not being a "strong enough candidate". We bombarded them with tons of reference letters speaking on our behalf and had all of our paperwork in place, but just didn't work out. So after January when the bottom fell out on my husband, I realized maybe we should try again but didn't know where to start. Through a fellow blogger, Gina Hill, I was put in touch with Penny's From Heaven Foundation and man oh man...knew I was speaking to some genuine caring individuals who put the warrior's concerns and health first, than concentrating on finding out what they did in Iraq or Afghanistan.

After a few weeks of talking, an application which wasn't scary and many many phone calls with the director of the TADSAW program (Train a Dog Save a Warrior) they had us approved and choosing the perfect "battle buddy" for my husband. The TADSAW program saves dogs from shelters and off the streets, and trains them to help others in many different ways. I was first drawn to Penny's from Heaven because of this ideal method of getting animals into service work as we have many many animals in shelters across the US simply thrown away. We adopted "Taco" our Chihuahua from someone who was going to take him to the pound if she couldn't find a home for him, and he turned out to be the best thing in the world for me! So after some choices on which dog would be best for my husband, the strong silent type.....it was decided that we would be getting.....

Gunny

Gunny, like Uncle Sam's Mistress and my husband, has an interesting story and is a fighter. I don't believe that anyone in the world could have paired up a more perfect animal with a family, than PSFH did. This particularly handsome devil had an expiration date with the euthanization chamber and was rescued by Patsy Swendson, founder of the foundation. After a bit, he became very ill with distemper and after tons of love, prayers and a whopping vet bill, Gunny was cleared 100% for the duty of love, work and play! He is a fighter like we are, and I have to tell you dear readers....when we first got the pictures of Gunny (Or Gunny Sarge as my children lovingly refer to him as), it was like "Oh there you are! Yep...that is definitely you!". My husband was ready to go to TX months ago, but they still had some training for Gunny to do.

I don't know much about service dogs for PTSD or for any type of mental or physical handicaps. This is one area that I had to admit, the Mistress is just now diving in to looking up information. I do know some soldiers who have one, some veterans that swear by them, and spouses who wholeheartedly agree with all of it. I do know that animals have a keen sense of intuition and my beloved Sam, whom we lost this year, was proof to the healing powers that animals have. "Gunny" will be joining our family on August 12th, in which we are very excited about! More importantly, its been a HUGE difference here at home with my husband. He has been talking about trying this place or that, and well......just has hope. We leave for San Antonio, TX for three weeks to train with my husband's service dog. I will be writing much about this because there are several reasons other than just saving an animal to help save a warrior. The thing that caught Uncle Sam's Mistress's attention, was the fact they took the time to get to know us as a family, each as individuals, our personalities, our faults, our mistakes, our victories and what we have learned, and well...just took the time to find out how we were doing. I know applications are important, but how can you really really learn about someone in a few questions and some paragraphs? 

 I really like the fact that they have bent over backwards for us and was able to help secure funding for travel, food, and anything else they could think of. More importantly, they have become a part of our family and that's what makes them stand out in my opinion. While there are many service dog organizations out there, I think I have to say I am biased because they took such great care in not only planning, choosing, and making sure we were a good choice to be awarded a service dog but making sure they knew who we were.

I know I can be often long winded, and detailed...so today due to time constraints and three bickering kids, I will let you connect to the link and check it out. I promise if you are in need of some hope, some help, and have the will and drive to work with a service animal.....five dollars says there is a dog waiting for you somewhere. You can check out Penny's From Heaven and all that they have done here. They are open to any and ALL Veterans so no need to worry about applying my Vietnam and Gulf War Brothers!

I will write more later but wanted to thank everyone who sent concerned emails about my absence. We just have had so much to get done before I leave with my husband next week, and the time is just slipping away! I will try to be a little more attentive to my blog as I know I have been slacking a little with it. Hey, never said I was super woman although some days I sure could use the flying cape!

Until Another Day,